People are always quick to judge when they feel that someone else did them wrong. In their mind they create evil conspiracies that their wrongdoers have plotted out against them with obviously the most cruel intent. However, when you realize that conflicts almost always arise out of miscommunication then it seems much more logical to seek contact and hear their side of the story instead of keeping them as sworn enemies.
The first mistake people make is to seek intent behind the mistakes of another. Somehow they actually believe that someone else would actually spend their time and effort to hurt them on purpose. By taking the actions of others too personal we forget that what drives people in their actions is what they feel is right and not how badly they can hurt you. Besides it is often those that we love the most who have an impact on our emotional state with their actions. So why would your friend or your lover do something to deliberately hurt you?
There is a big difference in doing what you think is right and hurting others in the process or hurting another with intent. Even if it seems that someone did hurt you intentionally, then that is only because this person feels very miserable and is just projecting that on you. When we take it personal and get emotional about it we lose track of reality and don’t realize that this person is just looking for love. Others who hurt you without realizing it are at worst a bit inconsiderate perhaps, but it can also just be you who’s oversensitive. At the end of the day nobody but you is responsible for how you feel so blaming others is never the answer.
Sometimes I see people almost obsessively blaming others for all their hurt feelings. Friendships, relationships and even families get torn apart by this unforgiving attitude. It is a sign of strength and maturity to be able to stretch out first to attempt to make real contact instead of projecting all the hurt inside by shouting back and forth. It takes some courage to set aside the hurt ego in order to close the distance, but the reward is worth it. Knowing that there is only love means that when we approach others in a loving way then surely this will be returned eventually. And even if the love is not returned it will not be a botheration, because we’re not out to get love but rather to give it unconditionally.
The most important thing is peace of mind and this state can never be established when there are obsessive grudges going around in the mind. It is for our own benefit to forgive, because it will set us free from anger, hatred or guilt. I name guilt because it is not only important to forgive others, but also especially ourselves. There are some people who always fail to see their mistakes and learn nothing from them and then there are those who do admit their mistakes, but also start to blame themselves which equally doesn’t amount to any good.
Speaking from my own experience I myself was part of that second group and I learned that forgiving myself is just as important as forgiving another person. That doesn’t mean that it all stops there, but forgiving is a form of acceptance and is necessary in order to move on. When we stay in feelings of hurt or guilt then we lose touch with reality. Even worse is that people become the object of their attention and so they become what they despise. In the same fashion we become loving beings by making love the object of our attention. When we change our attitude to see things differently then the world will start to appear differently and different things will start coming to us.
In the power of forgiveness lies unity, whereas in hatred lies separation. Of course it takes two in order to heal a broken friendship or relationship, but stretching out first often has a disarming effect and people will start to open up so communication can happen. When we open our hearts then people will feel accepted and will not have to defend their fragile ego’s anymore from judgment. There is absolutely no point in judging, because it limits perception and is likely subject to change anyway.
With the world being in a seemingly perpetual conflict there is no reason at all to add even more to that. By establishing harmony we also keep our own peace of mind and affect the world around us in a positive way. Forgiveness is acceptance and it is the first step we can take when things have gone wrong to take responsibility for the situation and ultimately solve it. Anything else will just delay that process and can be considered a waste of precious time. Forgiveness is not for the weak hearted who can’t fight, but for the strong who have the confidence to set their ego’s aside in favor of everything else.