Aug 192011

Everything is temporary, especially relationships with other people. As fast as you can establish a relationship with someone, it can also break up just as quickly, and eventually it will, because nobody lives forever and we’re constantly changing and developing.  There is profound beauty in this, because it forces you to make the best out of it with the time you have. The key is to not take it for granted, but be grateful instead for every moment you share together.

Easier said than done I suppose. The idea that we have someone for ourselves can make us complacent, and that’s how a beautiful and passionate affair can turn into a dreadful and boring relationship that ends with tears, confusion, and perhaps even anger. The reason why I’m writing about this is because I’ve been through a very valuable experience lately that gave me numerous insights regarding these delicate topics. Nobody likes a bad break up, because it’s not love that hurts, but rather our inability to deal with our own emtions and feelings, let alone those of other people involved.

For your information, I recently ended my relationship with the girl who was the first I made love to. We were together for well over 2 years, and we finally admitted that this is for the best. I’ll save you the details, because we went through a climax of drama, after which we found and let go of each other again in love and compassion. One important aspect of a relationship is that it has to be practical, no matter how much love there may be. Love can definitely be a good motivation to make it practical, but at the same time you have to pursue your own dreams, and not live for someone else.

The way I see it is that relationships are about sharing your life together, and this is what separates lovers from partners; a good partner is a good lover, but a good lover is not always a good partner. A good partner is someone who adds something to you that will push you further forward in the direction you want to develop. Of course this should be mutual. They call it “bringing up the best in each other”. I found myself in a relationship that wasn’t working, even though we were (and still are) the best of lovers. It definitely did work for a while, but things change, and you have to adapt if you want to move forward.

It’s often hard to admit that a relationship isn’t working, because you’re emotionally attached to it. You love this person and don’t want to feel like you’re losing something precious from your life. However, people are solely responsible for their actions, and to think that you have someone’s exclusive love, that you have someone for yourself, is an illusion. One chooses to be with someone, until a new choice is made and that person moves on to someone else. This is the way of life and I think it’s beautiful, because there’s a lot to be learned from experiencing different people.

That doesn’t mean I would approve of fleeing difficult situations for the sake of avoiding confrontation with yourself, because that’s something that can only serve to delay the inevitable and hold you back in your progress as a human being. Important is open and honest communication, towards each other but also definitely towards yourself; you can’t be honest with other people if you can’t be honest with yourself. In business and politics bullshitting has a purpose (and even that’s debatable), but in any other situation it’s just silly. When you can talk about your feelings and emotions, and rationalize like mature people, that’s when you can make proper decisions that will be beneficial to everyone.

I love my little girl, and why wouldn’t I? We’ve been very beneficial to one another, but now it was time to move on before the complications of our relationship started to cast a shadow over the beauty of what we have together. Real beauty is timeless and eternal, and cannot be grasped or explained; it just is, and you can enjoy it for being there. She will always be part of me in the same way that I’ll always be part of her. I feel free now, not because I’m single, but because I’ve let her go and accepted the fact of matter. There is no more underlying pain, and any tears that I shed now and then are of the good kind; those of gratefulness. If we wouldn’t have taken time to get together in order to let go, then the situation right now would’ve been completely different.

I can imagine that this may be hard at times. Emotions can rise to the point that we’re forgetting about our compassionate nature, and instead engulf ourselves in feelings of anger, fear, and guilt. A natural reaction is to flee these feelings by banishing the person that’s triggering those feelings out of our lives. A picture comes to mind of people burning pictures of their loved ones. Is that love? Sometimes these experiences may be so traumatizing that people close their hearts and miss out on life in the process. It’s a big shame really.

What I find interesting about being so heavily confronted with a failing relationship is that it forced me to take a hard look at my own part in it. People are often quick to blame the other person, which was also definitely part of my initial reaction, but soon I discovered that I was also just getting a return on the things that I was doing. There are valuable lessons to be learned from these insights, because what you give really determines what you’re gonna get back; you deserve what you get, and there’s nothing more disempowering than playing the victim.

Especially in relationships, which can be very emotional experiences as we all know, it is very important to rationalize your choices and decisions. Love and commitment are two sides of the same coin, and no relationship can work without either of them. At the end of the day I believe that love can be found anywhere, because it’s present everywhere, so regarding relationships it’s important to have a good partner and not just a good lover. To know who you are is to know what you want, and this will make your search a lot easier, because you’ll consciously attract what you’re looking for.

I now find myself in the situation of being single with a very clear idea of what I’m looking for. I know that time is short, so there’s no room for delaying the best decision to make. In fact it would be beneficial to always be aware of that. So for all of you with broken hearts: Do not hestitate to look for closure, and be loving, compassionate, and forgiving to each other. At the end of the day we’re all just people looking for happiness and fulfilment, so it’s always possible to find a proper goodbye, because nobody likes to be carrying around emotional baggage. The key lies in the way how you communicate; at any moment in time you can change any situation.

Peace out.